Creativity

Creative people with the gifts of writing, music, making art of any kind..these are remarkable people, often the most tortured souls. They turn their pain and even pleasure into art we can listen to or see and feel some sort of incredible connection with them, even if they’re a complete stranger. I find this fascinating. We as humans are able to see parts of ourselves in each other and embrace that likeness. We revel in it, and most of the time we don’t even realize it’s happening.

Effort

I have often fallen victim to trying too hard or fighting too long to keep someone around. In a way this is my own fault for repeatedly doing it. This year I have started to change that behavior, however. I have realized those who would like to stick around regardless of circumstance, do so. No one can be made to love another. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in the past few years is that(especially with friends) not everyone gives you the same effort back that you put out for them. Don’t expect it. It likely won’t happen.

Grief

Grief is a horrible twisted awful thing. Just when you think you’ve got it at bay, it swallows you again. You make progress, it doesn’t hurt as much..and then something hits you like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. I’m very open and intuitive. I am susceptible to energies most ignore. That opens me up for a huge possibility of bigger high points and lower low points, if that makes sense. To say that one day you wake up and *poof* it’s all better is a lie. I feel like knowing the low points will come and I will get through them is more empowering than ignoring the possibility of their arrival. Allowing someone to be such a huge part of your life is a wonderful thing, but when you lose them it leaves a hole you can’t fill. You learn to live with it, like an old injury that flares up from time to time. Today is not one of my
strongest days, but I will get better. I encourage you to come to me if you need someone to talk to at any time. I always try to help when I can.
Thanks,
Tennessee Honey

Twitter and the Anon Community

I’ve been part of the anon world for a good while. Overall, the anon world is somewhere we can all go and find solace. We can take comfort and escape into a place where others who are fighting or have already fought the battles we face every day are there to help us along the way. There are exceptions to the rule in that not everyone is always loving and accepting. No one is perfect. I never thought I would be so engrossed in the anon world that I would develop intimate friendships and a sisterhood of sorts, but that’s exactly what happened. I have many friends in the anon community, but there is a group of girls to which I hold very near to my heart. In recent months I have also added a new sister to the group and I’m not sure she even realizes it. These girls have my personal phone number, snapchat, etc. Some of them I’ve spent a number of hours on the phone talking to. We tell each other about new things that happen in our lives, hopes and dreams and goals. We pick each other up in the midst of darkness and dance in the light together. We don’t talk 24/7 but we are at one another’s side in an instance of necessity. These girls mean much more to me than they will ever know. One of them specifically is dealing with her mother being diagnosed with cancer. I ask that you send positive thoughts and prayers her way, if you would be so kind. There is something to be said about the connection developed between anons. We come to this social media site and express our opinions, thoughts, experiences, and much more without the bars of a first impression such as looks or social status. We get to know one another on a much deeper level. There are times which the anon world isn’t so kind, but that’s life. That’s how people are. However, it doesn’t take away from the impact left when someone even thousands of miles away who has never embraced your physical body, touches your heart.

Until next time,

Tennessee Honey

Not So Typical Christmas Eve

So tonight didn’t really go the way I thought it would. It started as a typical Christmas Eve, and then as they often do, things took a weird alternate route to their unplanned destination. I have been in a bad place for the past few months, slowly getting better. All of this I’ve hidden from my family. They knew nothing. Nothing about how this semester went, how my grades were, my slow dissolution as it were. I wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t eating. I was prisoner to my demons and they were feasting on me with fervor. I was at the point of no longer wanting to be here. Exist. What have you. I sought refuge in a doctor, got prescribed an anti-anxiety/sleep aid, and started on the path to healing. Those were baby steps, and tonight I have made giant leaps. My brother has been far more important to my staying here than he ever realized. We were in his room talking about life and whatnot tonight. He asked my grades. I hesitated before telling him. That’s when it all fell out. The truth about how low I had gotten within my depression and what it had me contemplating. He was angry. He was hurt. He was highly upset. Through it all, he tried diligently to understand. As a result, we broke down, I was made to promise never to allow that to happen to me again (seeking him immediately if it started) and we started planning. I’ve prayed about it. He’s made it clear he has my back 100% and will never leave me. So I am not completely sure what I want to do with the rest of my life, but I know that I am going to get there. I will make it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I am now chasing it.

Until next time,

Tennessee Honey

How to Be a Ladyperson at the Holidays: 10 Important Tips

Christmas

In technicality, it is Christmas Eve..being 1:46 A.M. This thought has been tossing itself around in my mind like a restless toddler at nap time. Folks gather around with family in their hometowns, or elsewhere. The hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping, wrapping, and other preparatory tasks are dutifully endured and complete. It’s right after my completion of buying and wrapping that the worry set in. Will the gifts I have purchased(mostly crafted) be adequate for those due to receive them? Will they truly like the tokens of my appreciation for their place within my life? One can only hope, pray, and ever so carefully cross one’s fingers. I have come to the conclusion that while I am undoubtedly excited to see with what my loved ones have gifted me, I am much more anxious to see their reactions to opening my presents for them. I say this not to perfect my image, but because it is true. The real gift in this holiday, for me, is the people 2014 has given to me(or let me keep from years past). Over this year I have loved, hurt, lost and thankfully gained. I’ve never been much for materialistic tendencies (although I can definitely appreciate a wonderful pair of shoes) I choose to place higher value in relationships with those I love, and that love me equally. Often we fail to realize the importance of someone’s position within our world until it is jeopardized. I have learned over this year to appreciate each person whose presence brightens my life. Doing this has caused something remarkable to happen. I take delight in the smaller pleasures of laughter and an effortless smile, spread across my face from a good morning greeting of a mere few words. The smaller but beautiful moments are the ones you remember most in days, months, even years after the occurrence. For me, that is what Christmas is about.

Until next time,

The Little Tennessee Honey.